25 Days of Kind - Chi

I'm so so excited to share this experience with all of you!

The other day, completely on a whim, I created an event off of Spreading The Chi's facebook page called:

The concept is that every day between now and December 25th, you go out of your way to do something nice completely for someone else. And then you share with the other kind-chi-ers. So it's all about people making the decision to give back in 25 (or more) little ways this holiday season.

AND WE GOT FIFTY PEOPLE!

It's a dream come true! There's so much goodness being added to this holiday season. People paying for a stranger's lunch or pulling a bike out of a stream for a little kid. People taking a breath and deciding to be a little bit nicer when it's most difficult. I'm so grateful for everyone participating and for the love that's spreading around. You are all making this world a better place.

If you haven't joined, please check it out! Open to everyone on this beautiful planet. :) Facebook, Spreading The Chi, 25 Days of Kind Chi.

Oh, and thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Re-Creation

- A little housekeeping. Spreading The Chi's facebook page is doing a 25 days of kind-chi group, and you should join. It's becoming pretty fun. Okay. Back to the post. -

I'm about to hit you with a super cliche statement that is about as lame as it is true.

Life. Starts. Now.

The past does not exist past it's ability to effect how you view the present moment. That is entirely in your control, though more often than not it takes time and practice and patience.
But the point is, your life is and only ever will be right now.

So what are you doing?
What aren't you doing?

I recently made a pretty major change, and in the fresh start I saw so so many beautiful opportunities it was overwhelming. And I realized that if I keep doing the same blah-de-blah living I've been doing, I'm going to find myself craving a fresh start all over again! So what's the solution?

This morning I went to church and I listened to a sermon about using the holidays as a time to check in. To "take inventory" with your self, with God, and with others. Which immediately brought me to the three Kai Chi Do connections, self source and others. Now, I don't know what words work for you, and I don't claim to know what's best for everyone, but I can tell you this. When I allowed myself time to sit down and check in with my whole being, top to bottom, inside out, I realized what I needed more of and I realized what I needed to phase out.

But let's backstep for a second. Before you find yourself re evaluating, take a moment to be completely honest with yourself. What is holding you back right now? What is in the pit of your stomach? That thing you just wish you could make go away and your life would be perfect?

Why is this negative for you? Is it not a good situation? Or is it not being handled as it should?

Now comes the hard part.

Fix it.

Whatever it is, however scary, fix it. Cut the part of your life out, or change the way you do something drastically, or eliminate a way of thinking that you've ignored for so long. Free yourself, because no one is going to do it for you.

And then, suddenly, you have the big open space in front of you. You're looking at a blank and beautiful page.

So my strategy is to make two lists.

First, make a list of things you want to bring into your life. Put everything on the table and re do your priorities. What do you miss? What is that thing you find yourself thinking about all the time? "I need to read more" or "I don't call my sister enough." Maybe its something you've never tried, or something you want to do more of. A habit you want to get into. It's important that this list stays positive. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by bringing it down already. This is your chance to lighten up.

The second list is a bit trickier. This is a list of things you want to "phase out". Now again, stay positive. Don't use "stop" or "don't" or "eliminate" words. Instead, make a kind and non judgmental list of things you don't feel are helping you in life anymore.

During my Kai Chi Do training I learned that the easiest and most comfortable way to remove negativity from your life is to squeeze it out with positivity. Make it so there's no more room for those things you don't want, instead of just trying to cut them out. When you replace them first, you don't get left with empty space that you need to fill.

The last step is simple, and also difficult. You've made your game plan. Now take a deep breath, and go for it. You've already laid out a straightforward map of what you do and don't want. And it won't change in one day. But slowly and confidently start molding your life into those lists. Because your worth it. Because life is today, and that piece of paper is going to get filled up whether it's with what you want or it isn't. Don't keep wasting days that don't line up with the truths you just wrote down. That's your heart. That's what you want, you said it yourself. And there is nothing stopping you.

I love you all. Godspeed.

Next Chapter

I asked for full force, and the world gave me an opportunity. I don't want to get too into it, because it's not all public knowledge yet, but I made a change that I probably should have made a while ago. And things are getting better.

It's time to focus completely on my career and my business. Change hasn't always been the easiest thing for me and sometimes I need a good kick in the butt to get going. So I got one. And it's difficult, but I'm thankful for the chance to change directions.

Full Force

I'm coming back, and strong. Full force. I have learned so, so, so much this year.

Its been nuts.

But I'm back. The good and the bad, all of the energy that I was opened up to in 2012 will charge me for a year of productivity in 2013.

Last night I watched Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World. It was really good, and really moving. It makes you think. I'm not going to tell you it's a romcom like I'm so super addicted to, or if its even a chill laid back movie to watch for fun. But it's worth the two hours it takes to watch it. Anyway, it made me wonder what I would change about my life. Which turned into what I will change about my life.

I'm going to craft more. This Christmas is a homemade, heartfelt kind of christmas, and it's going to introduce a year of handmade love to give and share.

I'm going to nourish the relationships I have. I have so many amazing friends and my family is my whole heart, but I often find myself too busy to be as connected as I'd like. I need to re organize my priorities. Find time every day for the people I love, even if it means not everything gets done.

Keep reading. There's so much to learn, and so many worlds to visit. I don't even want to loose my love for the written word, in both the creating and the intake.

I will become and certified yoga teacher. And I will learn from every class I teach.

More importantly, I will begin to benefit from yoga more often. There's SO MUCH out there to give myself through my practice, I just need to take the time.

I will make my Kai Chi Do class take off. It's time to go into business pushy mode, but in the chi sort of way. I'm determined, and my determination stems from a need share the beauty I get every morning when I wake up.

So, I'm making my new years resolutions early. I've got a lot to do, and I'm excited for every second of it.

Happy Holiday Season, everyone. Let's do this one right.

Retreat

Retreat - The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. The process of going backward or receding from a position or condition gained. To treat again. Going on a trip means taking time away from the ordinary every day concerns to relax and care for your soul.

A big message for me in the past few months has been to take care of your self, your soul, you wellbeing. There was a time when I was pretty in tune with the concept of looking out for yourself. I made some serious decisions and went out of my way to make sure I was doing the right thing for my emotional and spiritual health, which in turn helped me be physically healthy.

But things have been stirred up and flipped over in the past six months, and I'm realizing I've lost touch with myself. I need to spend more time in stillness, in contemplation, to find my footing again.

I need to retreat.

I think we forget how much work goes into that practice. Mindful living, person care, the ability to ground yourself - activities like these are just as time consuming and mentally active as any work you do. Relaxing is different for everyone, but I think there's a difference between sitting mindlessly doing nothing and sitting mindfully in your own presence. Our inner calm deserves as much work as our physical health, because the two go so very hand in hand.

The point of posting the definitions of retreat was to explore the idea that the word itself is vast, and the definition is vague. A lot of times when we think of a retreat it's a sunny beach, an expensive workshop, a physical change of scenery. And that's a beautiful and valid experience. But the truth is that option isn't always available. I'm not saying settle. If you need something, be it a vacation or a class or a weekend of quiet, do it. Find a way. But don't let the largeness of that type of retreat push you away from retreats all together.

Find a quiet place. Comfortable clothes. A candle, maybe, and a prayer or a chant or some quiet music. Find your peace. Get in touch without a time limit hanging over you head or a to do list. Allow those thoughts to float away, however long it takes. Listen to yourself and feel what you really need. Don't wait for a detailed trip to find your mental balance.

I hope you can all find some quiet in your day. And if you're feeling the need to take a more geographic retreat, I know of a few places along the east coast that can truly help you find yourself again. Email me lovies.

Winnie The Pooh

Upon my internet browsing, I came across some quotes from Winnie-The-Pooh. So I looked deeper, and I realized that silly yellow bear gave us some amazing lessons.

So here's some quotes to brighten your day.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.”

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

“What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh.”

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.”

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.”

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”

“Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.”

“And by and by Christopher Robin came to the end of things, and he was silent, and he sat there, looking out over the world, just wishing it wouldn't stop.”

Simple thoughts, and a warm nostalgia that leads to a comfortable thoughtfulness that we can't quite put to words. Thank you, you silly old bear.

Oh, and just to remind us that little things can leave a big legacy?
Here's the original stuffed animals, owned by Christopher Robin Milne, that the books were written about.

And we're back

This hurricane has been hard on us all in the Northeast.

I want to take a minute, first, to say I love each and everyone one of you that is suffering. I send you all of my best, and I am confident that this too shall pass.

Throughout this weekend, there have been a number of instances where I've seen beauty in the destruction.

People sharing water and electricity, businesses going out of their way to support hurricane relief, people coming out of the woodwork to help those who needed it most. Support from friends and family giving the strength to offer support in return.

And for my family specifically, with the loss of my grandfather... so many have reached out. Thank you.

This world is beautifully messy. There's no easy way out, but there is a gentle way through, and that's what I wish for all of you.



That aside - we're back online, hopefully for a good long while!

So posts will begin again as before.


In the meantime, I was reading my bible, and found a verse that spoke to me.
So I exchanged a couple words.

I exchanged "Lord" for "Purpose" and "God" for "Love"... because aren't those the same things?

And here's what I got:

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same purpose. Love works in different ways, but it is the same Love who does the work in all of us.

I don't know how I feel about the church, and I don't know where I fall on the religious spectrum. But I know I am spiritual and i want to open myself up to all avenues of that. I love this world and the magic that runs through it, no matter what name you give it.

Always

Said goodbye to my Grandpa this week.
In the end, it was the right time for him. Perhaps not for us, but it's never a good time to loose someone.
I know he's with Grandma now, that's the important part.

I think my favorite part of the last few months with him was that I could always just reach out and hold his hand, no words, no explanations. When either of us needed it.
So I've decided that's not going to end.

Other news, because my blog posts have been severely lacking this week.

Winter is coming. The leaves are almost all down, the air is getting crisper, and we're making Thanksgiving plans. Before we know it, the world will be white (fingers crossed for a snowy season this time around) and it will be the season of cozy nights and family time.

I love how much this season revolves around giving. Giving thanks, giving presents... Giving love, and for my family, giving support in difficult times.

So I'm throwing myself whole heartedly into it this year. Crafting up a storm to make various christmas presents and cards and cookies, making list upon list of things I'm thankful for for Thanksgiving, and in this year specifically, giving a lot of my time and energy to this business.

Which brings me to my Spring Wellness Event! (temporary title.)

Planning is starting full swing. Will be creating a facebook page before the end of 2012, but there's always my general facebook page. I have so many people on board already. I appreciated the mailing list requests!! I will keep you all informed.

So far confirmed events are Yoga, Kai Chi Do, a group meditation, and some various singers and speakers. There will be light food and some community organizations that relate to the message. Lots of socializing, very laid back. Any ideas or inquiries are more than welcome.

Much love your way as the wind gets colder. I hope you all find ways to warm your heart this season.

Celebration And Sadness

“We sometimes choose the most locked up, dark versions of the story, but what a good friend does is turn on the lights, open the window, and remind us that there are a whole lot of ways to tell the same story.”
~Shauna Niequist

It's been a really rough few weeks. Lots of good and bad things happening in short bursts.

But instead of taking up my small piece of your time with a lamenting tale about the struggles of my family at present, I'm going to remind you, and more importantly myself, that life is about the celebration in the struggles.

Long story short, in the chaos of going back and forth from the hospital and keeping people updated on my Grandfather's situation, I did my part by watching Sierra Mae, my beautiful niece, so that my aunt and mom could be at the hospital dealing with things.
And her smile made me smile. And after a conversation with a good friend and an afternoon of giggle-conversation I realized that I needed to stop being so negative.

Which given the circumstances felt impossible. Like the positive energy well that I'm so quick to give out of was completely dry.

My birthday is in a few days, and I was all set to skip it. Didn't feel like celebrating at the moment. Would've rather wallowed, I guess. But now I see why that was so against my message.
Life is reminding me that there is celebration and sadness, and sometimes they both happen at once.

So here we are. On a night in the middle of a totally up in the air situation that I could write pages on, I'm choosing instead to celebrate the life of a beautiful little girl who made my day.

SIERRA MAE

In case you haven't noticed, she's beautiful. And I love her.

Thanks for being the angel this family needs, babygirl.

Going Public

So, I'm officially a brand.

That's right, folks. I'm officially official... whatever that means.

I have a twitter (@SpreadingTheChi) and a facebook page (Spreading The Chi).
Follow me! Like me! Help me get going.

In other business-y news, I'm officially...

...launching the planning stages for my mindfulness event at the peace wall!

A day next spring all about promoting a positive mindset and how changing your thoughts can change your world. Including yoga, light food, music, Kai Chi Do, meditation, speakers... and anything else that comes my way!

Now would be the time to email me if you're interested in helping out or teaching - or just if you want to be on the email list for updates!!

Let me know: SpreadingTheChi@gmail.com

Can you feel the magic in the air?

Anyone will tell you I'm the biggest disney princess fan there is.

And I spend a good amount of time reading/watching/writing in the fantasy genre. I love magic, and happy endings, and love, and pretty places and castles and all of the cheesy things that make up a fairytale.

I've always wanted to be a princess when I grow up. I still do.
So today after watching yet another fairytale themed show, I realized my life actually is turning into a fairytale. Because the one thing that fairytales have... that makes that world different from ours... is magic.

And chi is my magic.

It's invisible, it's powerful, it does amazing things. It makes us breathe and live. Smile. Cry. All of these crazy things that we take for granted so easily.

So, with all that said, here's my inspiration for the day:

HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A FAIRYTALE
by Jessica Lynne McClelland.

1) Believe in something. Whether it's science, magic, happiness, friendship, love... whatever it is that clicks with your system, believe it with your whole heart. Give yourself to it. Embrace it. Always allow yourself to be amazed by it.

2) Enjoy the little things. See all of the beauty thats around you, even if you see it everyday.

3) Fall in love. Every fairytale has a cliche romance. Create your own. As many times as you want. Maybe falling in love can hurt you, but its also one of the most beautiful emotions out there. So let it happen.

4) Go on adventures. Daily. What good prince or princess doesn't have an adventure or two to share? Maybe it's just going shopping, or for a walk. Maybe it's a new place with your best friend. A vacation you've been saving up for. Make your own adventures, and get excited about them.

5) Sing!! Or write. Or draw. Or build. Or make. Create something. Express yourself, and do it often. Make it a crucial part of who you are.

6) Be a good friend. Do kind things for people and allow them to do kind things back. Fill your life with beautiful people with their own fairytales.


I know it's silly, but there's nothing in that list that will make your life worse, so if you're a fairytale lover like me, maybe it'll give you some good inspiration.
Maybe it'll help you make your own fairytale.

I love you all so much.

goodbye negativity

So, I take back my frustration from earlier today. I had an amazing class with two beautiful girls. And we created the energy of a hundred. So awesome. The fact that people can come do Kai Chi Do and that I can be a part of making them feel good... it's so inspiring. I just hope Kai Chi Do can do for them what it did for me, and that I can let go of myself enough to help them get there.

I'm so humbled to be on this journey.

In other news, I have a fun little life renovation to share.

It's called 7 Steps to Happy (another yogajournal find, with my own tweaks)

1) Start Your Day Bright. Instead of worrying about to do lists or work or appointments, spend some time thinking about how much you've accomplished in the past few days. Even little things like making food or spending time with friends. Be grateful that your body is healthy and carries you through every day. Enjoy a few minutes of just being happy to be alive. Make that your routine, consistently, every single morning, before anything else.

2) Smile. Whenever you think of it. No matter how bad it is. Trust your body to know what a smile means.

3) Add some mini-yoga into your day. Whenever you're overwhelmed, take a minute, stand tall and steady, and breathe. Elongate your spine, and feel grounded. If you're in a private place, incorporate some forward folds and loud exhales.

4) Use music. Music effects your heartbeat and breathing rhythms. So when you're overwhelmed, play some even paced music, like bob marley. Give yourself a minute to close your eyes and listen to the beat. Then continue your day.

5) Make tea. Take time to smell it before you brew it, to feel the warmth of the water, to watch it steep. Inhale the steam. Enjoy every sensation. Examine your first sip.

6) Go outside and walk. Pay attention to each sense individually. Everything you feel. The air, the ground, the sun. Everything you hear. Everything you smell. Build the experience around you and focus on nothing else. This is true meditation.

And finally...

7) Kiss yourself goodnight. Finish your day with a mini pampering ritual. Whether it's simply putting some nice lotion on your hands and face or giving yourself a mini foot massage. Maybe a meditation. Finish each day with a moment for you, by you. Love yourself.

It's Not Hard For Me to Love You.

Things are moving forward.
Starting my yoga teacher training in February, teaching a class every week...
Looking into my hollistic health degree.

Really, really excited.
I think.

I mean, yes, in theory, I am super excited. But. There are things that aren't going smoothly. Besides the family drama over the past two weeks, which there has been an ample amount of, I'm super stressed at work, and I'm not getting good attendance at my classes. It's difficult for me to admit that, because I feel like I've failed something, but I know mostly it's just a matter of getting the word out, and the confidence up. The audience I'm targeting is mainly the high school crowd, and I know that it's hard for a lot of high schoolers to step into something new that they know nothing about. But getting into the school itself has it's own set of complications. So I'm kind of at a stand still. And I'd love to just push myself all over the place promoting it, but there's the issue of working like 50 hours a week. Which is important because I need to pay for my yoga teacher training and school, and the only way to do that is work as hard as I can.

So.

It's frustrating. I wish I could just step out of my work and give myself completely to this life. And I know that time will come. And I understand the whole "this is the real world, and things aren't that easy". Everybody with a dream has this problem. I get it. I'm just voicing some of my specific annoyances.

I should be able to just breathe into the situation and let it happen, because it WILL happen. But the attendance at my classes is bumming me out.

I read an article in yoga journal (shityogissay?) about the internal essence of self vs. the parts of you that change, and how it's okay to be emotional about the external parts of you in either direction, but that you need to stay connected to that steady part of you to stay sane. And as I write this I'm thinking there's a lesson in that. The external parts right now are wearing me down, but the internal parts are staying the same. I will get where I'm going. I need to connect more with the inside and let it happen. Let the present exist, and be confident in the future.

Late Night Wedding Thoughts

Sparkles and Flowers
Swirling a room of smiles
Happy greetings become age old stories
Laughter builds countless memories
And love.
So much pure, simple love.
It's a beautiful day
Full of friends and family
Sillines and special words
Full of everything but you.

This day
So perfectly planned
Was lacking in a wisdom and grace
That only you could provide.
The only gaps in this fabric of togetherness
Were the moments when I should have heard you laugh
At your grandaughters dance moves
Or hear your voice
Reminding me with an all knowing smile to cover my drink.
Gaps that I was sure couldn't be filled.

But at some point
Amidst the business and socializing
I felt less empty.
And all of a sudden
There you were.
In a story of times gone by
In the drop of a tear during a toast.
In a groom dancing with a little girl
Or a brief inclination to, yes,
cover my drink.
In a smile
In a laugh
In a picture.
In a dance against all odds
between a grandfather and his beautiful bride.

You filled every moment
and brightened every smile.
Your soul lives in all of our hearts.

So yes
I still miss you
I love you more than words can say.
But Grandma?
Thanks for coming.
And just so you know?
You looked beautiful tonight.

Interesting words

Why complicate life?
Missing someone? Call
Want to meet up? Invite
Want to be understood? Explain
Have questions? Ask
Don't like something? Say it.
Like something? State it.
Want something? Ask for it.
Love someone? Tell them.
Every day.

What can I say?

"Simple truths and circumstance, things that aren't about romance. Wherever I go, this still feels like home to me now."

Ron Pope gets me through nights like tonight.

Anyway, I did Kai Chi Do tonight. It was beautiful. (Go figure.)
It's such a nice feeling to take that first fire breath and to know that I have everything I need right there, in that moment. Pure, simple, complete happiness. No matter what my day was like.

It's so empowering to know I can find that with just one breath.

But here's the issue. When I do Kai Chi Do, my mind is flooded with things I want to say. This I want to feel, to whisper, to yell, to laugh about... So many thoughts. And they're beautiful. They're such great things to have fill my head. But I can't get them out through my mouth, and I don't know why.

Where is that confidence that I have when I'm not thinking about it? As soon as I'm in that situation, it slips away. It's holding my back. My voice is escaping me. My thoughts are getting in the way. And I know that's a step I need to take. I need to free those thoughts. What's the harm? I know from the bottom of my heart I have things to say, and from the confort of my home, my laptop, my cell phone, I can do it. But all of a sudden when I'm right there, ready to just breathe it out... something stops me.

Is it really just confidence? Cause I've good oodles of that in lots of other situations. It's a weird duality that taking up a lot of my time.

Then I had this whole "throat chakra" inspiration. (I'm not sure exactly where I stand with the chakra system. But I do believe in energy. I do believe in important energy places in the body. And I believe in more than I can comprehend, so with that disclaimer, I will continue.)

Here's a simple throat chakra definition:


"The aspects of expressing and receiving. Expressing can be in the form of communicating what one wants and what one feels, or it can be an artistic expression, as an artist painting, a dancer dancing, a musician playing music, using a form for expressing and bringing to the outside what was within. Expressing is related to receiving, as in "Ask, and ye shall receive."

This chakra is associated with listening to one's intuition, which guides one in an optimal flow, in which one sees one's goals manifest, and it seems that the Universe provides all their needs with no effort on their part at all. It's a state of Grace. Abundance, therefore, is associated with this chakra, as is the aspect of unconditional receiving necessary to accept the abundance of the Universe.

This is the first level of consciousness in which one perceives directly another level of Intelligence, and experiences one's interaction with this other Intelligence.

Metaphysically, this chakra is related to creativity, creating, manifesting in the physical world the fulfillment of one's goals."

Kinda sounds like it lines up with my problem, right?
So maybe my body is telling me the next step in my journey is to find my voice. To let it out. And most importantly, to trust it to carry me to the next chapter.

Introducing: (name TBA)

I had a spark of inspiration. And I'm gonna make it happen.

I was having lunch with Daddy the other day at the peace wall and I was thinking about all of the negative going on. Health issues, politics (see earlier rant..), family drama.. It can get overwhelming. And I looked around at the beautiful place, took a deep breath, and realized what I had just done had made my world so much brighter.

I want to share that.

So that's the initial premise. I'm going to have an event at the peace wall full of positivity. Yoga, Kai Chi Do, meditation, talking, eating, smiling... It's going to be beautiful. Drum circles and singing and lots of happy.
So, that's the initial plan. As I keep going with the details I will keep you all posted.

So much love. Let's do it.

Silly Politics.

Sat down to write up my introduction blog post for my Mindfulness event (name to come) and I overheard the stupid debates on the news. Went onto facebook and saw random headlines people posted about which side said what. It's an avalanche of one ridiculous accusation after another and the worst part is that the issues they're discussing aren't even worth talking about. It's not like they're talking about politics. They're playing a stupid game, and people are actually buying into it. This election is going to be based off of the stupidest things...

Where is this country going?

I apologize. That was negative and ranty. It's just... I want so much better for this nation. It really is a great one with SO much potential. Anyway, that was a rant and I'm going to go back to my initial purpose. So bye. Read the new post please.

Positivity

Good intentions aren't always enough. Sometimes life smacks you in the face.

Tonight is one of those nights.

God and Medication

In the interest of full disclosure I will say that due to unforeseen circumstances I am off medication temporarily. As in until thursday when I can get a refill.

I know those of you who know me know that I'd rather just be off medication totally, but when I do that I'm going to do it right. So I can eliminate these headaches and dizzy spells. And I'm definitely noticing a change in my mood, so there's work to do in that department also.

That being said, today was a pretty amazing day. I met with the Pastor at my family's home church. Her name is Wendy and she's new to us.

I don't go to church much anymore, mostly because I work. But also because I've been all over the place in my spiritual life. But I do see it's beauty and the peace it brings to so many people's hearts. And I do believe in... something. Just the words get all jumbled. And church likes to un jumble them in ways that don't always sit well with me.

Anyway, Pastor Wendy was intriguing to me, so I went and sat with her. We ended up talking for hours. About so many things. What stood out for me was the idea of sparating the "church" concept and the "god" concept. Which I think doesn't happen nearly as much as it should. And they are two entirely different, though related, things. You can have God without church, but not church without God.

Anyway, it's a lot to think about, which we all know I'm good at doing. In fact I can almost guarantee I will over think it numerous times. But the point is, I got some very good fuel for my spiritual discovery mill today. And I'm excited to see where it takes me.

I want to get into the event I'm planning, but enough is enough for one night. I will touch base tomorrow again, hopefully.

I love you all. Sweet Dreams.

Stand Up To Cancer

There was a special on HBO tonight, Stand Up To Cancer. Everything is so inspiring. So emotional, but so inspiring. There's no promised happy ending, or ending of any kind in sight, and it blows my mind the way these people smile and move on. Keep living. Keep breathing, even when the next year or week or even day isn't guaranteed. Three year olds calling themselves ninjas as they go in for another treatment even though the chance is slim. A beautiful six year old girl smiling and laughing as they talk about her next spinal tap and bone marrow transplant as if they were discussing her outfit for the first day of school. How is it that such terrible situations can affect something unjustifiable amount of people, of children in this world and yet we're worried about who's getting elected and what they're going to to for the economy. I mean, I'm not belittling the importance of our nation's economic standing but come on. There should be priorities. Not America priorities, not political priorities, human priorities. Like curing a disease that has directly or indirectly effected almost every single person on this planet. What are we doing? I know times are tough, I know we don't have a lot and things get stressful and everybody has issues. But just for one second, think about how it would feel to look you father, you wife, you brother, you daughter in the eye and know they don't have much time left. Know that there are not enough resources for scientists to pursue the ideas that might save their lives. I don't know about you, but I can't find it in myself to look that six year old girl in the eye and say "I'm sorry, but I need this fifty dollars to buy a new shirt, so I can't help the doctors heal you." Just because you're not facing it doesn't mean it's less real, and it could knock on your own door any day. When I think about the new life around me, and the sadness I've seen, and the joy that I can find in every breath... that new shirt seems less and less important. I want to know at the end of the day that I fought the good fight, whether it means working a few extra hours or giving up the new book I wanted. There are people and causes in this world that are much bigger than I am, and I'm done pretending my life is as solitary as it is. I am the center of my world because everything I do goes through my mind, and I interpret my surroundings. And I see that as power. I have the ability to give, to fight, to help and to spread the world. To see celebrities and musicians and every day people coming together to fight the cause that isn't left or right or american or any other stupid label but instead is human. Is good and right and honest. Makes me think our politicians could learn a thing or two from that six year old. Just, please give five minutes of your night up to think about this. See if there's one thing you could give up and use that money to help this cause. Or maybe someone you can tell. Or even just a prayer to give or and positive breath to take. Something. Anything. There is no one in the world who doesn't have anything to contribute. Your life is beautiful. So let's share some happy with the rest of the world. Stand Up To Cancer. just click.

Nights Like These

I wish there was some way to know if it was or was not meant to be this bumpy of a ride. ... ... okay, I lied. It's not particularly bumpy. And there's no "meant to be". But dramatics aside, tonight is a melancholy night. I wish I could explain why, or what I could do about it. Truth is, I've worked enough with my own energy to know it's inside me. This is something I'm at the very least allowing to happen, if not creating. And that's not a "bad" thing. I'm not blaming myself, or feeling sorry for myself. It's just that I know I either need to relax and allow myself to feel it. Or address it and allow myself to know where it's coming from. If anywhere. Or both. Both sounds good.

Cape Cod in the Rear View Mirror

Spent last week camping with my lovely family up in Cape Cod. So, so, so beautiful. I got to spend time with my amazing nieces, J and M, who just fill me up inside with happy. And quality time with ugly - I mean, my sister - is always welcome. Even got to have some good conversations with my brother. All in all, it was a great trip. The weather wasn't flawless, but it wouldn't be a family camping trip without a little rain and some damp nights. The beach was beautiful, the lake was calm, everything went really super well. Then as I got up for work this morning I was surprised with the next two days off! So now I have plenty of time to get things back in order, and more importantly, stay in touch with myself. When I'm camping, I'm so very relaxed and happy and connected to myself. I love the woods, and the ocean, and the breeze and campfires and family. It's all exactly what paradise is for me. But I'm so quick to loose that when I venture back into the "real world" - partially because the real world has always been referred to as a bad thing. But it's not. I know it's not. My world, my "real" world, is full of Kai Chi Do and Yoga and Family and Nature and books and movies and a countless number of things that make me happy. The things I stress about are not the real world simply because they are negative. Call me crazy, but I refuse to accept that the real world is a negative place. I'm not being naive, I'm being hopeful. I can, and will, fill my real world with things I love, so that when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night, I'm happy with the life I'm living. I don't want to do things that feel wrong because some part of me thinks I have to. Obviously, I need a job, I need to make money. I have responsibilities that aren't always fun. I'm not looking for an easy way out. I just don't see why those have to be negative aspects of my life. Maybe they don't. Maybe I'm the only one who carries around that weight, that assumption that those tend to be bad things. Cause they certainly don't have to be. Life is such a beautiful abstract concept. It can be anything I want it to be. But really. It can. So why not start now?

Genuine Tea Drinking

When you sit in a café, with a lot of music in the background and a lot of projects in your head, you're not really drinking your coffee or your tea. You're drinking your projects, you're drinking your worries. You are not real, and the coffee is not real either. Your coffee can only reveal itself to you as a reality when you go back to your self and produce your true presence, freeing yourself from the past, the future, and from your worries. When you are real, the tea also becomes real and the encounter between you and the tea is real. This is genuine tea drinking.

- Titch Naht Hanh Isn't it tragic that so much of our lives are spent doing things because of the past or for the future? I mean, I'm not silly enough to believe that the past isn't a part of who we are, and I realize how difficult it is to let go of the future entirely, but more and more it seems like there is very little, if any at all, energy devoted to the present moment. I've often said that if we keep living in a world where we'll "be happy when" (when it's the weekend, when the house is clean, when I get a new phone... etc) then we'll never get there. Because "whens" will always pop up. There's no final destination. This moment, right now, the breath that we are taking at this exact instant, that is our world. Our life. The time we were searching for. Because all we ever truly have is the present. The past is a blur of memories. We don't have any grasp on it as a reality because it no longer exists. Anything we hang on to is our interpretation. And the future has yet to happen. We don't know if it will, and on what time line. We certainly don't have any clue who or where we'll be in x number of days, weeks, years. So the amount of energy that's wasted on things that we have no hold of is in fact the only thing that makes those abstract ideas present in our life at all. Our thoughts. And then we're faced with the concept of letting go of the past and the future. Which for me just becomes frustrating. Very frustrating. I can almost get there when I'm in the middle of a Kai Chi Do process and I'm breathing and SA-ing and really embracing the happiness I'm feeling - so why can't I when I'm sitting at home trying to relax? I think the answer to that question is the "trying" part. We can't do it when we're focused on the negative effects behind it, and how or why we want to eliminate it. Eliminating is, in itself, a negative action. So when we try to do something negative to override something else that's negative, we're still left with negative. My thought is to instead fill yourself up with positive until this moment is exactly where you WANT to be. Think about other, happy things. Stand in the sunshine. Look around a find something beautiful. Better, look inside and find all the beauty that you're made up of. On of my favorite methods for harvesting the happy is to put everything to the side and sit in an open space and do yoga. Just stretch and move. It makes me feel beautiful, and it makes my body feel so much better physically. I don't push myself - my goal isn't to get fit, it's to feel good. So I do what feels right. It gives me a small piece of time to just get in touch with my body and listen to it. And it's funny, it usually only lasts ten minutes, but I never watch the clock. I just do it until I feel grounded and present, and then I go about my day. It doesn't feel rushed or timed. It feels right. But that's just the point. When you can meet in the moment and find that space in your thoughts, in your timeline, that beautiful instant that you are currently inhabiting, and be there because it feels good, then that's the real accomplishment. Nothing you change about the outside world is going to fix your inside world. You live inside yourself, you experience your environment and interpret it based on your internal conditions. If you can't see, don't clean your house. Clean your glasses. That's my rainy day thinking, anyway. So now I'm going to curl up and enjoy my breath. I'm not going to think about what needs to be done, or what time it is. I'm going to try to let go of my dread for getting up early and going to work. I'm going to stop and breath and be thankful for this exact moment.

Drum Circle

Went to Vastudio tonight on a whim to see some drumming. Turns out it was one cool guy and lots of cool drums. Dancing and smiling and happiness ensued.

I keep encountering people who are unhappy, and I struggle to explain what it is that I've found that makes me happy. I mean, chi and kai chi do and calm within myself. Remaining rooted. All of this makes a lot of sense to me, but to others? Who knows. How can I convey to them what took me so many years to find?

Truth is, I can't. That's the point. I found something and grew it inside myself. I can't force that seed to grow in others. But I can give them the seed. Plant some sort of inking, some glimmer of a thought, that will grow in them the way it needs to. Therefore, patience is required. It is, in fact, a lot like planting a seed. Water it and give it sunlight. Keep talking and open up the subject. But more importantly, give it time to break the surface. You won't see the growth right away. So I guess that's the important part in spreading this. It needs to be nurtured and given time, and room, to embed itself.

With that said, I hope I will be able to help plant as many seeds as people I meet.
I love you all. Namaste.

Hey loves. Just got out of my first one on one yoga/meditation class with the beautiful Liz Manko. It felt so good after a day of stressing and overthinking. I literally woke up this morning because my thoughts were so loud. Anyway, I realized maybe I need to focus more on creating a calm place inside myself instead of trying to rearrange those things outside myself to make me feel better.
Stress, in fact, comes from within.
And then, lo and behold, I log onto facebook and find this article: Positive Changes to Make Your Life Easier. So I thought all of this cumulated into a lovely little blog post. Hope I put some calm in your day!

Hey all! As I start this journey, one that I hope will last a real long time, I figured I should find a way to document - and share- my thoughts and experiences. So here it is. 


Eventually, I will use this as a place to get my classes out and help people find their own way to yoga or Kai Chi Do. For now, it's a work in progress. So as Charles, guru of Kai Chi Do would say, "Welcome Aboard!" 


I hope you're as excited as I am. :)