It's Not Hard For Me to Love You.

Things are moving forward.
Starting my yoga teacher training in February, teaching a class every week...
Looking into my hollistic health degree.

Really, really excited.
I think.

I mean, yes, in theory, I am super excited. But. There are things that aren't going smoothly. Besides the family drama over the past two weeks, which there has been an ample amount of, I'm super stressed at work, and I'm not getting good attendance at my classes. It's difficult for me to admit that, because I feel like I've failed something, but I know mostly it's just a matter of getting the word out, and the confidence up. The audience I'm targeting is mainly the high school crowd, and I know that it's hard for a lot of high schoolers to step into something new that they know nothing about. But getting into the school itself has it's own set of complications. So I'm kind of at a stand still. And I'd love to just push myself all over the place promoting it, but there's the issue of working like 50 hours a week. Which is important because I need to pay for my yoga teacher training and school, and the only way to do that is work as hard as I can.

So.

It's frustrating. I wish I could just step out of my work and give myself completely to this life. And I know that time will come. And I understand the whole "this is the real world, and things aren't that easy". Everybody with a dream has this problem. I get it. I'm just voicing some of my specific annoyances.

I should be able to just breathe into the situation and let it happen, because it WILL happen. But the attendance at my classes is bumming me out.

I read an article in yoga journal (shityogissay?) about the internal essence of self vs. the parts of you that change, and how it's okay to be emotional about the external parts of you in either direction, but that you need to stay connected to that steady part of you to stay sane. And as I write this I'm thinking there's a lesson in that. The external parts right now are wearing me down, but the internal parts are staying the same. I will get where I'm going. I need to connect more with the inside and let it happen. Let the present exist, and be confident in the future.