Next Chapter

I asked for full force, and the world gave me an opportunity. I don't want to get too into it, because it's not all public knowledge yet, but I made a change that I probably should have made a while ago. And things are getting better.

It's time to focus completely on my career and my business. Change hasn't always been the easiest thing for me and sometimes I need a good kick in the butt to get going. So I got one. And it's difficult, but I'm thankful for the chance to change directions.

Full Force

I'm coming back, and strong. Full force. I have learned so, so, so much this year.

Its been nuts.

But I'm back. The good and the bad, all of the energy that I was opened up to in 2012 will charge me for a year of productivity in 2013.

Last night I watched Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World. It was really good, and really moving. It makes you think. I'm not going to tell you it's a romcom like I'm so super addicted to, or if its even a chill laid back movie to watch for fun. But it's worth the two hours it takes to watch it. Anyway, it made me wonder what I would change about my life. Which turned into what I will change about my life.

I'm going to craft more. This Christmas is a homemade, heartfelt kind of christmas, and it's going to introduce a year of handmade love to give and share.

I'm going to nourish the relationships I have. I have so many amazing friends and my family is my whole heart, but I often find myself too busy to be as connected as I'd like. I need to re organize my priorities. Find time every day for the people I love, even if it means not everything gets done.

Keep reading. There's so much to learn, and so many worlds to visit. I don't even want to loose my love for the written word, in both the creating and the intake.

I will become and certified yoga teacher. And I will learn from every class I teach.

More importantly, I will begin to benefit from yoga more often. There's SO MUCH out there to give myself through my practice, I just need to take the time.

I will make my Kai Chi Do class take off. It's time to go into business pushy mode, but in the chi sort of way. I'm determined, and my determination stems from a need share the beauty I get every morning when I wake up.

So, I'm making my new years resolutions early. I've got a lot to do, and I'm excited for every second of it.

Happy Holiday Season, everyone. Let's do this one right.

Retreat

Retreat - The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. The process of going backward or receding from a position or condition gained. To treat again. Going on a trip means taking time away from the ordinary every day concerns to relax and care for your soul.

A big message for me in the past few months has been to take care of your self, your soul, you wellbeing. There was a time when I was pretty in tune with the concept of looking out for yourself. I made some serious decisions and went out of my way to make sure I was doing the right thing for my emotional and spiritual health, which in turn helped me be physically healthy.

But things have been stirred up and flipped over in the past six months, and I'm realizing I've lost touch with myself. I need to spend more time in stillness, in contemplation, to find my footing again.

I need to retreat.

I think we forget how much work goes into that practice. Mindful living, person care, the ability to ground yourself - activities like these are just as time consuming and mentally active as any work you do. Relaxing is different for everyone, but I think there's a difference between sitting mindlessly doing nothing and sitting mindfully in your own presence. Our inner calm deserves as much work as our physical health, because the two go so very hand in hand.

The point of posting the definitions of retreat was to explore the idea that the word itself is vast, and the definition is vague. A lot of times when we think of a retreat it's a sunny beach, an expensive workshop, a physical change of scenery. And that's a beautiful and valid experience. But the truth is that option isn't always available. I'm not saying settle. If you need something, be it a vacation or a class or a weekend of quiet, do it. Find a way. But don't let the largeness of that type of retreat push you away from retreats all together.

Find a quiet place. Comfortable clothes. A candle, maybe, and a prayer or a chant or some quiet music. Find your peace. Get in touch without a time limit hanging over you head or a to do list. Allow those thoughts to float away, however long it takes. Listen to yourself and feel what you really need. Don't wait for a detailed trip to find your mental balance.

I hope you can all find some quiet in your day. And if you're feeling the need to take a more geographic retreat, I know of a few places along the east coast that can truly help you find yourself again. Email me lovies.

And we're back

This hurricane has been hard on us all in the Northeast.

I want to take a minute, first, to say I love each and everyone one of you that is suffering. I send you all of my best, and I am confident that this too shall pass.

Throughout this weekend, there have been a number of instances where I've seen beauty in the destruction.

People sharing water and electricity, businesses going out of their way to support hurricane relief, people coming out of the woodwork to help those who needed it most. Support from friends and family giving the strength to offer support in return.

And for my family specifically, with the loss of my grandfather... so many have reached out. Thank you.

This world is beautifully messy. There's no easy way out, but there is a gentle way through, and that's what I wish for all of you.



That aside - we're back online, hopefully for a good long while!

So posts will begin again as before.


In the meantime, I was reading my bible, and found a verse that spoke to me.
So I exchanged a couple words.

I exchanged "Lord" for "Purpose" and "God" for "Love"... because aren't those the same things?

And here's what I got:

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same purpose. Love works in different ways, but it is the same Love who does the work in all of us.

I don't know how I feel about the church, and I don't know where I fall on the religious spectrum. But I know I am spiritual and i want to open myself up to all avenues of that. I love this world and the magic that runs through it, no matter what name you give it.

Celebration And Sadness

“We sometimes choose the most locked up, dark versions of the story, but what a good friend does is turn on the lights, open the window, and remind us that there are a whole lot of ways to tell the same story.”
~Shauna Niequist

It's been a really rough few weeks. Lots of good and bad things happening in short bursts.

But instead of taking up my small piece of your time with a lamenting tale about the struggles of my family at present, I'm going to remind you, and more importantly myself, that life is about the celebration in the struggles.

Long story short, in the chaos of going back and forth from the hospital and keeping people updated on my Grandfather's situation, I did my part by watching Sierra Mae, my beautiful niece, so that my aunt and mom could be at the hospital dealing with things.
And her smile made me smile. And after a conversation with a good friend and an afternoon of giggle-conversation I realized that I needed to stop being so negative.

Which given the circumstances felt impossible. Like the positive energy well that I'm so quick to give out of was completely dry.

My birthday is in a few days, and I was all set to skip it. Didn't feel like celebrating at the moment. Would've rather wallowed, I guess. But now I see why that was so against my message.
Life is reminding me that there is celebration and sadness, and sometimes they both happen at once.

So here we are. On a night in the middle of a totally up in the air situation that I could write pages on, I'm choosing instead to celebrate the life of a beautiful little girl who made my day.

SIERRA MAE

In case you haven't noticed, she's beautiful. And I love her.

Thanks for being the angel this family needs, babygirl.

It's Not Hard For Me to Love You.

Things are moving forward.
Starting my yoga teacher training in February, teaching a class every week...
Looking into my hollistic health degree.

Really, really excited.
I think.

I mean, yes, in theory, I am super excited. But. There are things that aren't going smoothly. Besides the family drama over the past two weeks, which there has been an ample amount of, I'm super stressed at work, and I'm not getting good attendance at my classes. It's difficult for me to admit that, because I feel like I've failed something, but I know mostly it's just a matter of getting the word out, and the confidence up. The audience I'm targeting is mainly the high school crowd, and I know that it's hard for a lot of high schoolers to step into something new that they know nothing about. But getting into the school itself has it's own set of complications. So I'm kind of at a stand still. And I'd love to just push myself all over the place promoting it, but there's the issue of working like 50 hours a week. Which is important because I need to pay for my yoga teacher training and school, and the only way to do that is work as hard as I can.

So.

It's frustrating. I wish I could just step out of my work and give myself completely to this life. And I know that time will come. And I understand the whole "this is the real world, and things aren't that easy". Everybody with a dream has this problem. I get it. I'm just voicing some of my specific annoyances.

I should be able to just breathe into the situation and let it happen, because it WILL happen. But the attendance at my classes is bumming me out.

I read an article in yoga journal (shityogissay?) about the internal essence of self vs. the parts of you that change, and how it's okay to be emotional about the external parts of you in either direction, but that you need to stay connected to that steady part of you to stay sane. And as I write this I'm thinking there's a lesson in that. The external parts right now are wearing me down, but the internal parts are staying the same. I will get where I'm going. I need to connect more with the inside and let it happen. Let the present exist, and be confident in the future.

Interesting words

Why complicate life?
Missing someone? Call
Want to meet up? Invite
Want to be understood? Explain
Have questions? Ask
Don't like something? Say it.
Like something? State it.
Want something? Ask for it.
Love someone? Tell them.
Every day.

What can I say?

"Simple truths and circumstance, things that aren't about romance. Wherever I go, this still feels like home to me now."

Ron Pope gets me through nights like tonight.

Anyway, I did Kai Chi Do tonight. It was beautiful. (Go figure.)
It's such a nice feeling to take that first fire breath and to know that I have everything I need right there, in that moment. Pure, simple, complete happiness. No matter what my day was like.

It's so empowering to know I can find that with just one breath.

But here's the issue. When I do Kai Chi Do, my mind is flooded with things I want to say. This I want to feel, to whisper, to yell, to laugh about... So many thoughts. And they're beautiful. They're such great things to have fill my head. But I can't get them out through my mouth, and I don't know why.

Where is that confidence that I have when I'm not thinking about it? As soon as I'm in that situation, it slips away. It's holding my back. My voice is escaping me. My thoughts are getting in the way. And I know that's a step I need to take. I need to free those thoughts. What's the harm? I know from the bottom of my heart I have things to say, and from the confort of my home, my laptop, my cell phone, I can do it. But all of a sudden when I'm right there, ready to just breathe it out... something stops me.

Is it really just confidence? Cause I've good oodles of that in lots of other situations. It's a weird duality that taking up a lot of my time.

Then I had this whole "throat chakra" inspiration. (I'm not sure exactly where I stand with the chakra system. But I do believe in energy. I do believe in important energy places in the body. And I believe in more than I can comprehend, so with that disclaimer, I will continue.)

Here's a simple throat chakra definition:


"The aspects of expressing and receiving. Expressing can be in the form of communicating what one wants and what one feels, or it can be an artistic expression, as an artist painting, a dancer dancing, a musician playing music, using a form for expressing and bringing to the outside what was within. Expressing is related to receiving, as in "Ask, and ye shall receive."

This chakra is associated with listening to one's intuition, which guides one in an optimal flow, in which one sees one's goals manifest, and it seems that the Universe provides all their needs with no effort on their part at all. It's a state of Grace. Abundance, therefore, is associated with this chakra, as is the aspect of unconditional receiving necessary to accept the abundance of the Universe.

This is the first level of consciousness in which one perceives directly another level of Intelligence, and experiences one's interaction with this other Intelligence.

Metaphysically, this chakra is related to creativity, creating, manifesting in the physical world the fulfillment of one's goals."

Kinda sounds like it lines up with my problem, right?
So maybe my body is telling me the next step in my journey is to find my voice. To let it out. And most importantly, to trust it to carry me to the next chapter.